On Fear and Courage

I want to talk about fear.  I'm not talking about being afraid of the big things:  flying, sky diving, falling off a high cliff.  Of course I'm afraid of those things.  Everyone is afraid of flying these days.  The thought of navigating through the airport; trying to find a small space for your computer when everyone else has carried on mega-luggage; squeezing into airline seats that have gotten smaller while your seat has gotten larger.  What's not to be fearful of?  But that fear is rational in my mind.  I want to talk about the little fears that I have had all of these years and I'm afraid (more fear) to admit.  Some of the items on my bucket list are things that have to do with overcoming fear.  Case in point:  I'm afraid of heights and I'm afraid of bridges.  So one day last summer I walked the Golden Gate Bridge. It may have been liberating at the time, but I wouldn't do it again.  And even that fear had to do with potential bodily harm (at least in my mind), so again, it falls more in the rational category. 

I'm talking about little, stupid, irrational fears.  Like the fear of failure.  Not so little or irrational, you say?  Of course not.  But it's not fear of failure, really, that keeps me from trying new things, or even retrying old things. It's public fear of failure that scares me to death.  Being totally honest that I'm going to try something and totally open when I fail.   Losing weight?  I have been struggling for years.  Finally, last January, I hunkered down.  My sister and I re-joined Weight Watchers with renewed determination.  We have shared tips, recipes, successes and tears.  We have both lost over 35 pounds.  So what's the problem?  I've gone onto the Weight Watchers website at least five times and read  community posts by someone reaching out with their own success or their own frustration.  I have started to answer their post.  To congratulate them or share my own thoughts.  I have wanted to become a part of that community.  But each time I stopped.  Why?  Because I am still afraid I will fail, and failing in front of my sister, who loves me, and will still love me is really not that scary.  Failing in front of all those other people, the ones I don't know, now that's really scary.  Writing this blog post is scary. 

But I am really tired of coming from a place of fear.  Not living large because I am trying to protect myself in some convoluted way.  These years are not meant for fear.   These years are meant for courage.  I am going to muster up my courage and post on the Weight Watchers bulletin boards.   And after I do, I will let you know how it goes.  And then I'll choose another irrational, stupid little fear and tackle it.  So, please come along with me on this journey if you like.  Tell me about your little fears (or not so little fears) and then share your courage. And invite your friends.    I can use all the support I can get.