Writing is Easy...

To paraphrase the late, great Gene Fowler:

Writing is easy: all you do is sit staring at a blank (computer screen) until the drops of blood form on your forehead.

Of course, when he wrote that it was a blank sheet of paper. But it still applies. I did it. Today. I finally finished the first draft of my tenth book, The Nature of Fog. It's the third Chloe James Mystery. But this post is not about the book. With the second draft to go and all the editing it will still be three or four weeks before it is live.  This post is about another book. A book that I keep coming back to time and time again.

Art and Fear: Observations On the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking.

Let me explain. I have been having a very difficult time with this, my tenth book. This was somewhat new to me, because while writing is never easy, I've not ever been plagued with the urge to procrastinate that I have felt the past five months. I'd sit down at the computer and search for more news on the election. Or sewing. Or golf. Or new books to read, new places I want to move to, new recipes I want to cook. Anything, really, anything that could move me further away from finishing my book. And all the while a little voice in my head was asking:

" Sallee, what's up with that?"

And while I won't ever be as prolific as some of today's contemporary writers, I'd never 

struggled so much with the feeling that I didn't want to write anymore.

 I don't know what it was that urged me to re-read this book on Art and Fear. I'd read it the first time when I was painting. The second time when I convinced my book club to read it. And at least on other time before I just pulled it out a week ago. And within the first twenty pages I found at least one of the answers I was looking for.  I had been feeling an empty sense that my work wasn't good enough. That, for some reason, I should just pack it in, because, afterall, I'm no Louise Penny or Martha Graham. And no matter how much I try. No matter how hard I work, I'll never measure up.

Then I saw it. The one sentence that grabbed me and shook me back to my senses: 

Vision is always ahead of execution- and it should be.

What I intended to write is always going to be so much better than what I actually do manage to get down onto my computer. What I feel about a story is always going to be more touching than what I can ever say about it. What I see in life is always going to be bigger than whatever vision I can possibly share.

It is the nature of the beast. This thing we call art. But then I was reminded of what Jim Smyth, one of my painting teachers said so many years ago. The only way to get over the stalling, over the procrastination and the fear is to put as many paintings behind you as possible. Thank you, Jim. And thank you to the authors of Art and Fear, David Bayles and Ted Orland. The only way I finished the first draft was to put butt in chair and keep writing. One word after another. One sentence after another. A scene, a chapter, a novel.

My new book will be out in a couple of weeks. If you choose to read it, I hope you find it worthy of your time. But what I feel good about is that I believe it was worthy of mine.

The Final Act--The Best Act

My sister, Julie, gets mad at me when I say that we're in the final act. I guess she thinks it's morbid. But the truth is, knowing this is the last act doesn't make be think about the end. It makes me remember all the things I have left to do before the end. My first two acts were sixty-three years. So, given luck, divine will, and my own common sense, I could possibly have half again as much to go. But it's not the number of years left that matter. Abraham Lincoln said, "In the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years." And here's the best kept secret of all. After the kids are grown, the career is done, the body starts to droop and you have to touch up your roots every bloody six weeks, then a really remarkable thing happens. Your TIME is finally your own!!!

Today I was doing a bit of sewing and listening to some of my iTunes and the Sounds of Silence, by Simon and Garfunkle, came on. I stopped. It filled me with the most remarkable memories of my youth. When I was young and full of dreams. It also reminded me of the times that I was young and full of despair. Wondering what was to come of my parents' world, where the almighty dollar seemed to dominate everything. Where people were still warring a half a world away. Where racism and sexism and hatred of anyone or anything different than ourselves still boiled under a seemingly calm surface. Yes, I was a hippie. And Simon and Garfunkle seemed to capture all the despair on the one hand and the hopes of young generation on the other.

Ah, what a time. And then it occurred to me that this is what is going on today in the hearts and minds of today's young people. Who is Bernie Sanders, anyway, but a modern day George McGovern? (Today, I'm a Hillary supporter, but that's another post.) We fought for our ideals back then just as today's youth are pushing the envelope for their own. And I'm sure that some people, many people, actually, will say we failed. That the world is more dangerous today. That we still have corruption and bigotry and war and hatred. But I think the world is better and getting better all the time.

These are the things in my life that are better. I am a cancer survivor. And although I have lost too many loved ones to this horrible disease, I actually know more cancer survivors than people who did not make it. I live in a highly diverse neighborhood where we all get along. More than get along, we watch out for each other, we share vegetables and fruit from our gardens, we visit. While we may not be best friends, we care about each other. The air in California is cleaner than it was thirty years ago, even while the highways are dreadfully more crowded. I, like most Californians have quit smoking. And while I'd start again in a minute if it wasn't so deadly, it remains one of those things that I am regularly thankful for. My son, who is gay, can get married if he so chooses. He works for a corporation, PayPal,  that is making a stand for the rights of its LGBT employees. Can you believe that? A corporation that actually cares about its employees!!!
And I could go on......The world is changing and I say, overall, it's for the better.

For every point I've listed, I'm sure that the counterpoints will come rolling in. And my husband will tell you there is just no upside to getting older. I disagree! As I said, my time is my own, and that's the most precious thing of all. That, plus the fact that I have wonderful memories and God has graced me with the ability to keep making more of them.

So, younger generation, vote for whoever you must...but VOTE! I hope you live your dreams and make beautiful memories and someday you will list all the things that are better, not worse. Oh, but one last thing. We still had the best music ever!!!!